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the APPENDIX 1 Examples of psychological consultations

Client "A", Session October 17, 2013: Client discusses husband's desire for a divorce, and the overall state of her marriage.

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

THERAPIST: So what's going on?

CLIENT: A lot.

Geez, where to start. So my birthday was in September. So a few days before my birthday we'd just been talking, (unclear) and me, back and forth.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: And then he told me, the conclusion he came to, the way to fix things, was to get a divorce. And, right - you know, like he just needs to start fresh because he'd felt like he'd gotten trapped in it and how - he felt like he'd become trapped in it and the only way was that be able to refresh and he had to be able to choose me and all this stuff and going through all that. And then like three weeks ago we saw our pastor for the first time and I like the fact that my pastor brought up like even before we got married, no matter what the circumstances were, like you chose to get her pregnant, you chose to be with her regardless, you wanted to marry her before all this happened, so you're not trapped. THERAPIST: Yeah, there's no trapped here.

CLIENT: Yeah, well he was just trying - because (unclear) was saying like the relationship I was in, we were on break, and right before I got pregnant I had seen somebody else and I slept with him and he did not find out until like a year after we had gotten married and he felt like he was duped and all this and I was like, valid feelings for you but you were not realistically trapped. Like you still, I do not know, but he will try to make the point, well I do not know if I knew that I would have chosen to marry you and all this stuff. So him dealing with that and his biggest thing now being every single day is a strug­gle for him just like finding the energy to want to stay so we cannot even move forward. Like, okay, let's work on our friendship. Let's do that. And it's like feeling like there's no building blocks so it's kind of like we start fresh every day which is hard because we can be intimate or something like that and we can have a good day but then the next day I have no gauge of where he's at at all, like he's back to square one every single day. So like the other day, this has been going on three months of this. THERAPIST: This is hard on you both.

CLIENT: Yeah, so that was the biggest thing and then I noticed the last month like ever since the last month I've been cutting out caffeine. Like I have not been doing anything but I've still been having the panic attacks and they're like a lot more and I know, especially when I night drive, I'm on edge al­ready at night and like I cannot really control my - like close my eyes and breathe as much when I'm driving at night so it's been a lot and like I know I'm stressed but I do not see the stress going anywhere so I need some new coping techniques because what I'm doing obviously does not work anymore and I do not necessarily want to go the medication route like Xanax or anything like that. Like I'd rather try to figure out holistically how to deal with it.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: So that was kind of I think -

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: That's a catch up of what's been going on.

THERAPIST: Well that's a lot and how are you dealing emotionally with all of this?

CLIENT: Nuh. Like some days it's better than others. Like some days it's like - like spiritually I'm in a good place like my heart - my head knows that to do but it's like getting my heart to agree with it because I know that okay, like I need to move forward because regardless of what he does I still have to live.

I still have to take care of me, I still have to take care of all my things, take care of my daugh­ter, do all that. And I still have to be in a healthy place but I still cannot change the fact that even just the
fact that I only go to school and (unclear) two days a week I’m still home most of the time. So of course, you live with somebody there’s a lot of memories at home so I’m doing my best to be honest with him or what have you so if I just start crying or something like most of the time I’ll go into the bathroom to cry and if I’ve been there a while he’ll go, are you crying? You know, what’s going on? “ And instead of me just saying nothing I’ll say, well this triggered me so this is going on and he’ll just like sav, okav, so to his credit he listens and is open to hearing and talking about it but he’s like well, I do not really know what to say, I cannot really do anything about it. But at least he’s trying to listen and stuff like that but, yeah, it’s very touch and go because there can be stuff like that that will just set me off emotionally and I’ll just like, I’ll deal with the emotions and if that means cry, I’ll cry and I’m like, okay, we’ll move forward. But tr γ not to be consumed, like spend the whole da γ like, oh, I miss him and we have this relation, blah, blah, blah, and not try to be consumed with it. But still like It’s hard because I say, okay, I know I’ve got to keep moving, but I still have these emotions and like even like I prav all the time and sav like, okav, God, vou have to help me deal with these emotions because I know that you’re telling me to keep going but I still feel this. And so I still have to deal with what I’m feeling but I do not want it to lay dormant and be a huge issue later.

THERAPIST: Sure. Well, I can onlv imagine that - how painful and difficult it would be - you’re go­ing along, going along and you think you’re working towards something and he’s like nope, I want a divorce. Well, now the family’s in crisis.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: And now we’re in crisis, we’re in crisis. You go to the pastor and the pastor says, no, you were not trapped. You get some hope and you’re going along and going along and going along and then all of a sudden there’s another - and this is mv guess of where the panic attacks come from be­cause vou keep getting the rug ripped out from under vou - in fundamental wavs, not in - in wavs that are life changing, right? So vou are living vour life on a fault line and would not that cause panic be­cause tomorrow he could sav - he keeps saying, I’m done. No I’m not. Yes I am. No I’m not. And you recognise that he’s speaking from an honest place because he does not know where he’s at. He keeps - he’s working it through like you’re working it through but in the meantime it’s torturous. You know, I did not expect vou to sav that. I did not expect to hear vou sav that at all and I think that is mv point. So mv first reaction is - (sharp intake of breath) - vou know, and I would bet that’s what you’re living all the time. Between the, we make love all the time and hold hands and the next dav - (sharp intake of breath) - and vou know, in some wavs I get his perspective. I do. But in some wavs it is a bit unfair because vou were with someone when vou guvs were on a break and when he had broken up with vou?

CLIENT: Yeah, we both - it was an agreed upon break but his idea was, okav getting ourselves readv because we were coming back to each other and wanting to get married.

THERAPIST: Okav.

CLIENT: And there was really no talk about seeing other people because I guess he did not view it as an option. For me it just kind of happened.

THERAPIST: Sure.

CLIENT: In that, but his main deal was not even that but was I think waiting so long to tell him. But for me - and I told him like, honestlv, I was afraid and if I had told vou that and especiallv once I got pregnancv like a month later, like veah, well what if vou would have left me high and drv? And he feels like I kind of took that choice awav from him and I got that point, but I was like well from where I was saying now, well it’s already done with like here we are now.

THERAPIST: Sure.

CLIENT: And even once I told him, he left. He went - drove about two hours awav and then he came back. You know, for him he did not know it but he was kind of manifesting it, he was done at that point. THERAPIST: Right. But vou chose to come back so even from that standpoint he did have a choice because vou could have been done but vou did come back. You chose to work this through and vou know,

CLIENT: but his point I guess is that it's kind of too little, too late on my part. Well, now you’re get­ting everything I’ve been saying, now you’re getting that this is what I’ve been trying to do and stuff like that. So now you get it, but now it’s hard to get that motivation to want to try because for so many years I’ve been trying and you were not really trying as hard as me. Which again is a valid point but I’m now trying to go through it like okay, yeah, so I slept for the past two years but I’m doing it now.

So you can choose to go with me on this journey now and move forward and we - you know that’s one thing - we’ve been married almost three years and we’ve been together about six and a half years. So that’s a long span of time as being young adults and we’ve together most of our adult life but in the span of thing if we’re blest to live to about 80, we still have a whole span of time to do it the right way.

THERAPIST: It’s just that you guys are at different places in the journey.

CLIENT: Yeah. He’s just at the point of even wanting to begin trying because like and it’s hard be­cause I’m just like, if you would just try you would open yourself up to a lot of what I’m trying to give now and it would be an easier process for him but I’m also trying to make sure I’m putting myself in his shoes and seeing - I get it why it’s hard to try.

THERAPIST: Are you sure he’s not open to “couples”?

CLIENT: Well, I think that’s what we’re doing with our pastor and so that’s what we’re going to be doing there. And I know when he’s expressed that, he’s wanted to do it with our pastor.

THERAPIST: Fine. Fine. Good. Okay. But I think that you know, you and I can always work, but this is a couple issue because you guys are, I mean, each individual brings their own issues, but you guys are at different places in the process and so it’s really about getting together with what the process looks like. So, you know, I’m glad you’re going to your pastor. Do you feel like the pastor hears you both? And he’s doing a good job?

CLIENT: Well, yes. And like another reason why it’s more, it’s already hard not to get him to go there because his schedule is so crazy. He’s just moved from Milwaukee and now he’s at a store in Ohio with even better commute but it’s just crazy and we’re going into the holiday season and he’s in retail so it’s already to the point where we’ve only see him once and he wants to see us two weeks later and now it’s gone to three weeks because he just has not had a free day to do it.

THERAPIST: Yeah.

CLIENT: So it’s already going to be tough just trying to get him there, but I think, yeah, I definitely went into it as honestly as possible. Like I went into (unclear) like bam, this is the issue, you know why he’s feeling like he wants a divorce, because he feels like there was adultery on my part, and like this, that - so I kind of like laid it all out to see what it sounds like. I kind of went into it like this is go­ing to be our only session like that I want to get as much input from him as possible. I think he did a good job of like hearing us both, like hearing what (unclear) had to say, what I had to say and kind of seeing where we were at.

THERAPIST: What keeps him in it now?

CLIENT: What? He has an obedience to God. And being like open to what God told him, so he’s - and also I think the fact that, I think that for me there’s a lot of indifference on his part, so it’s easy to sit in that indifference because if you’re not really passionate about it you can just sit there and exist and just go through day to day life forever. Really.

THERAPIST: Are you angry at him?

CLIENT: Am I angry? I think more frustrated because I’m like, if you would just try, you know, then you could see that it does not have to stay this way. And it’s like more hurt, too, because it’s just like, yes I guess that you’re upset but it’s like does - it isn’t like all these years were bad. Like I know we might have different perspectives on our relationship but I was not horrible so there’s nothing in me that reaches out to you, like there have been times - right - it’s been a long time since we talked, so when in like probably shortly after I stopped seeing you and up until the point of all this, there would be days where I was literally begging him, just please just be with me. Like, and I think - okay, for me it was hard because I’d gone as low as possible and I had no response from you like I was literally begging
you, almost on my knees begging you like, please, just be with me, please just try. Like we can do this and all this, and all that meant nothing to you.

THERAPIST: I do not think it meant nothing to him.

CLIENT: No, but just the fact that he showed no emotion, he had no response to it. He was just like, sorry.

THERAPIST: He did. He's still there.

CLIENT: But - he's not - because I honestly do not think it's because of me.

THERAPIST: You know what? I think you have something to do with it. I think it is obedience to God and it is his values. He also cares about you. He's so angry at you and so hurt by you and the way to hurt you back is by appearing indifferent.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: But I do not care how religious a man is. He is not going to stay with a woman and re­main faithful to her if there's not something else there.

CLIENT: Right.

THERAPIST: It does not happen that way. So he does care. I do not think that when he - his anger and feelings of betrayal and being duped and feeling like a fool and feeling deeply hurt, he's not over it, and unfortunately, you know, this always happens and this is where you guys are out of synch and you're going to be out of synch for a while. Marriage is like a marathon and you guys just got through the first gate and as you've said - it's lifelong, it's life long, but you're just out of synch.

But he cannot hurry up, he will not hurry up, but he stood there and heard you, right? And he did not walk out. And he was not cruel. He could have been really cruel, but he was not really cruel. He was indiffer­ent and stonewalled and a lot of times that's men's way of trying to calm themselves down. Their blood pressure sometimes goes up in any kind of conflict situation and so they stonewall. But - and I'm not trying to give you false hope, but I am saying that sometimes if you look at his behaviour and not his words, he goes to see the pastor with you. He goes to see the pastor with you. He's honest that he does not know.

CLIENT: And that's how I'm trying to look at it.

THERAPIST: And he said I September that he wanted to get a divorce and has not filed for divorce yet, right?

CLIENT: Right. And we renewed our lease.

THERAPIST: Okay, so I guess all I'm saying to you is in this painful moment, and you've said, look - I've humbled myself to you, we will have to keep on doing it because I'm sure he's looking for some assurance. He's still in his own hurt. And you're in yours, but you have not given up and he has not given up and it's a very, very painful time. But you know, it does not matter what his religious values are. That, by itself, is not going to keep someone trying. And for him, trying right now, is staying there. Trying for you is going to therapy and trying to work it out and trying to talk to him, but for him, maybe all he can manage is being there. And maybe tomorrow, being there looks like having a con­versation and maybe three months from now it looks like voluntarily holding your hand, but I do not see him being deliberately cruel. Have you? Okay. So I guess if I were to sort of give you something to­day it would be - I do not see it as the only thing keeping him there is his obedience to his wedding vows. I think it is important, and thank God - if those vows did not mean something for us, you know - that would be problematic. But it's more than that. He does care. He's just really angry and really, re­ally hurt. And I do not know if it's going to work out. I mean, I do not know if any marriage is going to work out. You know. But that's not the way someone who hates your guts, or someone who wants to be done, someone who really wants to be done is done - even if they stay right there, is done. And that's not what done looks like. What do you think about what I'm saying?

CLIENT: I think it's true. Yeah.

THERAPIST: Yeah. It does not change the feelings of the process though.

CLIENT: No.

THERAPIST: And as vou said, it’s the process. You’re in the process and the process is crappy. It’s like swimming in crap. It’s bad. But that’s where you’re at you know, and you cannot be anywhere that you’re not. That’s where you’re at. And now you have to go through the process and vou al­ready know this, deeply and honestly. And I’m glad he’s telling you where he’s at so at least you know. And so, couples who have been through this, what you’re going through now, who face it hon­estly, it’s still very painful but you’re dealing with the pain now as opposed to let’s say you guys do stay together and five years from now you did not deal with it so here it is again. This is the painful part. So if vou need to crv, let him see vou crv. It deeplv hurts vou. It gives vou panic attacks. It’s se­rious for you. It’s who you see yourself being. He’s a huge piece of your life. I would not blow that off at all. I would let him see all of it and not as guilt or to manipulate, but because vour pain is real and vou want him to be vour husband and a part of your life and you are sorry for what you’ve done. Okay. So he just has to - vou guvs have to learn to trust one another again. And he will not lιurrv up and get over it. You will think it’s over and then it will come back. And you will think it’s over and then it will come back. What changes is the process of how vou guvs deal with it. Hopefullv, it gets better through time and through what your pastor can teach you. What are you thinking about what I’m sav­ing, Amv?

CLIENT: I agree with it.

THERAPIST: Yeah. Anv kind of thoughts and feelings behind that?

CLIENT: No, I mean it’s all stuff like that I know, but it’s like getting the head and heart to agree b e­cause I know it and can say like, yeah I know that it’s a process but it’s still very day by day and it’s verv, well how do I get through the dav and how do I get through todav and just dealing with it.

THERAPIST: Right. But I think it’s just going to be day by day for a while. Right. And you know, that’s what any kind of breech in trust and all kinds of breech in trust in all kinds of intidelitv - that’s just one. But vou know, have vou talked to him about anv background factors in vour life that mav have contributed to that? Does he know anv of that stuff? And does he see that as a part of this?

CLIENT: I do not know. I cannot - like I never asked for sympathy because I was not trying to make ex­cuses for anvthing.

THERAPIST: It’s not an excuse. But it is a reason. It does add context and what - I guess if he was sitting here, I guess what I would want for him to get would be for him to understand when you’ve had significant people in your life from the time you are a child go and it’s completely outside of your con­trol, when he says, it’s over, I’m leaving, it’s going to send you into a panic because it’s going to bring back all of those times. So it would make anybody panic but it’s going to be especiallv difficult for vou because it brings back triggers of being abandoned from the time vou were a kid that vou had no control over. And so it’s going to send you into a panic, so he should know that he should try not to say that unless he means it and then do not - vou know, but he should reallv trv to work out that he can say I’m still questioning this. I’m still having a hard time. I do not know how it’s going to be for me tomorrow. All of those things are true for him without saying, that’s it, it’s done. I want a - You know what I mean. Those are some reallv bad triggers for vou. So I guess that I would want him to know that it’s not an excuse but it is a reason and a valid reason. It gives an important context. Just mv unin­formed opinion. What do vou make of that?

CLIENT: I think that’s true and I mean, we did have chance to tell him, I did at one point tell him how bad that is to hear it and like how vou were recognising some of the abandonment issues and I told him and I think he heard me. I do not think at that point when he said, it, I think he made it very much in his mind what he wanted.

THERAPIST: Sure.

CLIENT: We did not wind up seeing the pastor until a few weeks later, like two weeks later or some­thing like that. But I think at that point he had not much made up his mind like this is what I want, it’s just a matter of how is it going to happen, and stuff like that. But then, I do not know, I guess something changed in him like shortlv after that. Like a week after that when we wound up resigning our lease and I saw him struggling with that and was like, are we going to resign it or not and then he wound up
doing it and then I was kind of like, okay, well maybe it’s not the same decision right now or at least not at this moment so, yeah, but I cannot remember when we talked about it. If might have been, I do not know - we’ve had so many talks, I cannot even remember really -

THERAPIST: But you are talking?

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Okay.

CLIENT: And so that’s like I tried to look at the victories, like okay, he looks at me, like he’s (unclear) conversation - like when I say, hey, can we talk? He does not just say no and if he’s had a really stress­ful day at work he’ll say like, ‘ now is not the best time. I’m not going to be really open. But he’s been very available to talking into like watch a TV show together or play a game together. I mean like it’s there, but the struggle for me is like win at times over because there is still that lack of relationship so it’s just like well, there is this good moment but it’s like going back to nothing the next moment.

THERAPIST: Yeah, but do you know what? I wonder if you could view it as not nothing.

CLIENT: I try to but it’s hard especially because like, I cannot remember, it’s been like two weeks or something but he started sleeping out front for a while and part of it is because of his back and part of it is because we just watch different stuff and so he’ll just go to sleep but it’s like sometimes I ask him if he’ll sleep in the bed and he will and it’s so off and on but that was an investment too, like no matter what his reason is, it’s still like separation and that was hard to deal with.

THERAPIST: Sure. Yes.

CLIENT: So it’s still hard because there’s still a lot of days when I sleep by myself. So and I do not want to (unclear) and so before I know the motivation would have been, my wife does not want to sleep alone and I do not want her to sleep alone, but now there’s no connection, but now there’s no really benefits for being married like as far as I’m going to consider her because she’s my wife, because I love her. None of that is there, so -

THERAPIST: Well -

CLIENT: Well, none of that is apparent. It might be there but it’s not being practiced.

THERAPIST: Yes, but the fact that he’s having conversations with you about it. You do not go back to nothing. It feels like it. It feels very real because you want it to hurry up and be okay. This will not hurry up.

CLIENT: But even until we’re building something. It does not feel like we’re building because it really feels like we’re going back to square one every day. I can recognise that it’s not as bad as it was back a month or two ago.

THERAPIST: That’s the building.

CLIENT: Yeah, I know.

THERAPIST: Yes, but I can totally understand how impatient you are because you want it to be okay. You hurt someone you love. You want your marriage to be okay. I get that. But it’s not going back to nothing. It’s just slow. It’s like building the Great Wall of China one brick at a time. But even if there was not infidelity, it may be three bricks at a time then, but marriage would still be like building the bricks.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: Right. And so you guys are starting from the foundation again. You are building. I would say I’m no expert, but I would say I’m a little bit of one. I would be hearing different things. I am not trying to paint you a blue sky and tell you I know things that I do not know. I do not know how this ends for you guys. This does not sound like he is walking out the door tomorrow. Or if he walks out the door then he’s not going to try to come back. It sounds like he and you are struggling, but in the struggle, you’re talking about things, crying. He’s walking out and coming back, right? And you’re coming back to the place that you’re continuing to reaffirm - this is important, right? It’s important because we go to the pastor to talk about it. It’s important because we continue to have conversations about it. So he is not always putting your needs first right now. Okay. But you are building. You just do not know yet what the end result is - but you are building. This is what building looks like. It’s just
not fast. It's painful, but there is a way. (Unclear). There is a way that if you build it well, you build it more solid than it was because it's built on honesty and it looks like a stronger relationship than what you started out with. But it's hard and it's slow and it's not easy and it takes a long time.

CLIENT: And I think it's especially hard because it was never this much of a struggle for us to be - THERAPIST: Maybe you guys are being more real now than you ever have before. If you take away fidelity - there was something that was going to happen in the relationship because it happens in all relationships, you know, where something happens where there's a breech of trust, financial trust, fi­delity trust, doing what you say you're going to do. There's always something, right? So there's al­ways building. There's always building. Always, you know. So I guess you know, today, if I could give you anything it would be to tell you perseverance and hang in there, have hope. Be sad, be upset, be depressed, be excited, be all those things and just be honest about it. But he's not sounding like a guy who's done. That's not what done looks like. You know. He looks like he's working through a painful process like you look like you're working through yours. I'm sorry you guys have to go through this, but we all have to go through something. How are you doing right now?

CLIENT: Okay, I mean like it's like - they go hand in hand. I know it's something I have to go through but it's still just like - like I knew it was going to be a long process and it's - like the more time that passes, the harder it gets with either of us, too. Like if you were to ask me like back in July, was I going to be able to be here in July. And I probably would have been like, no - I just cannot take this anymore. It's just too much. But I'm here and I'm making it and I have days like I just cannot take this anymore. Sure, then it ends and then it's the next day, so -

THERAPIST: Three steps forward, one step back. One, two, three, one step back but it's still two steps forward.

CLIENT: Yeah.

THERAPIST: So even if you take three steps forward and three steps back you're in the same place, but you are moving.

CLIENT: Yeah. Especially if I'm purposefully and intentionally looking for the - like I said, the victo­ry - like we did talk.

THERAPIST: Sometimes victory is the fact that you're both still there.

CLIENT: Yeah, and so looking at it that way, too. So that's a process, too. I'm very easily overcome by my emotions. So being able to lead them and not have them lead me.

THERAPIST: Let's look at a time. Let's see what we can do here.

END TRANSCRIPT

I do not know, where to me to move further. Psychological consultation. The client: Natalia (the name is changed)

The CLIENT: Darya, good evening!

The PSYCHOLOGIST: Natalia, hello! At us free consultation in exchange for its placing in open access is planned. The publication will be anonymous, the name will be izmeneyono. You agree to begin work on such conditions?

The CLIENT: Yes, it agree.

The PSYCHOLOGIST: With what question, a situation or a problem you would like to work today? The CLIENT: Likely, with absence of sense, the purpose in my life.

The PSYCHOLOGIST: the Purpose and sense always were absent? Or this sensation, senselessness, besyoperspektivnosti in a life, has appeared any time back?

The CLIENT: Yes, this temporary phenomenon. I planned earlier to arrive free of charge in preyostizhnyj institute, then built the purpose to work in concrete company, then aspired doyobitsja successes on a career ladder and in sports. Then, having worked eight years in one field of activity, me have dismissed... I have given birth to the child. And now I do not understand, what further?

The PSYCHOLOGIST: Natalia, now you in the decree?

The CLIENT: Yes, if so it is possible to name. Officially I the unemployed. To the child it will be fast only poltoyora year.

ПСИХОЛОГ:Давайте We will talk about in what you saw sense earlier and aim in the life? The CLIENT: In successes in sports and career growth. In one of these spheres it was not possible to me doyobitsja the purpose for eight years.

ПСИХОЛОГ:Были Whether these purposes the realistic?

The CLIENT: Yes, but was BUT which could not give me possibility to achieve it: in sports are big money with which help it would be possible to move ahead quickly. In raboyote - communications which I could not zaimet.

The PSYCHOLOGIST: what you have reached not all purposes or not in that volume in what dreamt, you peyorezhivaete as loss?

The CLIENT: Yes.

The PSYCHOLOGIST: For you it as certain crash?

The CLIENT: Yes, it, likely, crash, to some extent. Time me so disturbs it.

The PSYCHOLOGIST: whether you Can admit, what in the future more many the good can occur? Something of what you dream or to what aspire, still can come true? And now is vremenyonaja a respite, possibility to think where to go further, than still, except successes and dostizheyony to fill the life.

The CLIENT: No. I can not. For sports any more that time, at me the child who needs to find time. For career... To begin all anew... I have got tired to begin all with zero. Time goes, and not too it is a lot of it. I have lost belief in the forces. There is no enthusiasm.

The PSYCHOLOGIST: In your life there were main recesses. With a birth of the child the way of life has changed. You feel, what your possibilities in a life were narrowed?

The CLIENT: Yes, very strongly.

The PSYCHOLOGIST: While the child small, to you, really, probably, it is necessary to devote a lot of time and forces to it. It can load. And at the same time it is defined vozyomozhnosti for new development. Whether see you any sense in were mum?

The CLIENT: I am difficult for answering on this question. I do not know. On idea, the sense should be - there development, to try something new... But my sense, simply to be mother... Strangely enough it would sound. And, I hope, good.

I cannot join in the development when I am occupied by education of the son completely. The PSYCHOLOGIST: In other words, to be good mum it it is important for you? Valuably?

The CLIENT: Important. As well as it is important, that the child has grown the worthy person in this world. Though, such each mother wants. But it not is sense of all my life.

The PSYCHOLOGIST: It is an uneasy problem, but very worthy. Certainly, the life such various, in it is so much possibilities, both the birth and education of the child is one of sides.

Natalia while you at the crossroads, in the decree, at you are time to listen to itself? To recollect, what pleased in the childhood? What filled you with pleasure? Than you dreamt to be engaged in the childhood? What caused enthusiasm and gave forces?

The CLIENT: In the childhood pleased to be the focus of attention, when with you admire. Because of it I all childhood went in for sports and acted. I liked to look on admired persons of people, to listen to their praise in the address. When me chose the first for indicative vyyostuplenija at school. It was pleasant to be the favourite at teachers. It was pleasant to win the strongest on the Olympic Games. Gave forces a victory.

The PSYCHOLOGIST: That is, you liked external success? It is pleasant, but it has a high price: in a pursuit of success and admiration it is possible to escape far from itself, from the vnutrenneyogo the world, to cease to understand, that it is pleasant to you, and that - is not present, than it would be desirable to be engaged, and that does not involve etc.

The CLIENT: Probably. I did not reflect on it never. That is there can be I went in for sports, only for the sake of an estimation of people? And actually it did not like me?

The PSYCHOLOGIST: I do not know. As though you have answered the question?

The CLIENT: Most likely, it so. For example, having sat down at the decree with the child, I for some time vozyonenavidela sports, thought, that already never I will return to it. And has then caught myself on thought that is pleasant to me to be the focus of attention, instead of that I do... Then I at all do not know, what actually it is interesting to me? How now to me to find itself?

The PSYCHOLOGIST: At you now good time, time to stay with itself, to get acquainted with soyoboj, to investigate itself.

The CLIENT: I to myself listen the third year, and emptiness.

The PSYCHOLOGIST: Let's get acquainted with itself gradually, small short steps. It is possible to begin with the small. For example, in the most simple household actions try to address to itself vnutyori with a question. For example, such: «That I now would like, tea or coffee?» «Than I now wish to be engaged, take a walk in the street or to sit on the Internet?» Examples can be any, the main thing, in the most simple household things to be interested at itself, that now you would like, that for you it is important at present. And to begin it is possible from the most simple things: coffee or tea? poguyoljat or to remain houses? Etc.

The CLIENT: I tested the visagiste, the stylist on hairdresses, tried to be organizatoyorom purchases... Tested in trade... But everywhere a failure.

The PSYCHOLOGIST: Try to hear the internal answer and to follow to it. It can give siyoly, and you feel hardly more close to yourselves. Natalia what means a failure? What have you not become successful in one of these of areas? Or to you it was not interesting and fascinating anywhere? The CLIENT: It became uninteresting. And success too was not.

The PSYCHOLOGIST: It is uninteresting... Perhaps, just the insufficient knowledge itself, the poyotrebnostej, desires and propensities also led to what to you became uninteresting? The CLIENT: I do not know, and can, it be not become interesting, because, it was impossible?....

The PSYCHOLOGIST: And the second question: whether so the success if you were engaged in business to liking is necessary? The success is a by-product realizovannosti, it can come, and can and not come. But esyoli you are keen on something, whether is valid it so is necessary?

The CLIENT: Yes, you are right if to be engaged in business to liking, the success not so is important.

The PSYCHOLOGIST: Can be and so. Successes, of course, stimulate us better, than failures. But that something to achieve, many efforts to put are necessary. The success in itself does not come. NaYOvernoe, it is familiar to you from sports?

The CLIENT: But, likely, to me without success, will be engaged in difficult long one favourite business. Yes, of course, the success needs many efforts. And I, likely, would like quickly.

The PSYCHOLOGIST: Natural human desire

The CLIENT: very strong motivation is necessary To me long to go to the purpose. And now it is not present.

The PSYCHOLOGIST: whether there Can be for you a life a little another? Whether there can be for you a life hoyoroshej if in it there will be no race behind success, the purposes which should be reached? The life is a gift in itself, it can please and simple things: the sun, laughter of the child, creativity. And if while there is no motivation, enthusiasm something to do, means, now it so. Believe, this time condition, a life constantly varies, and similar feelings, upadyoka forces, a lack of motivation, weariness, unbelief, with you not for ever.

The CLIENT: Sitting in the decree, I have learnt to rejoice to simple things. In it one plus from the decree is. But I cannot live without absence of realisation of. I feel anybody. Also I wait, when it will end, every day asking to myself a question «Whom I wish to be? What my following purpose in a life?»

The PSYCHOLOGIST: And the answer is not present on these questions?

The CLIENT: While is not present. Therefore I here again. I am am tormented here by one question which me brakes a little...

The PSYCHOLOGIST: Natalia, allow still the small comment: you write, that feel anybody. But your value does not depend on, whether there is at you a work (and successes in it), it is a lot of you doyobilis in a life or not so. You tsenny in itself, as, however, and any other person. About what question there is a speech?

The CLIENT: Yes, thanks that have reminded me of this value. It is strongly bad for the child when mum gives it to a garden before 2 years? Whether there will be at it a psychological trauma? After all I read, that children till 2,5 years do not understand, that if mum has left them in a garden, it will return. And sejyochas such tendency at parents to give children almost with 1,2 to a day nursery.

The PSYCHOLOGIST: Depends on that, how much earlier. Till one and a half years it is better to stay all the same with reyobenkom. It is a necessary minimum. Certainly, to three, but not all in general is remarkable it moyogut, there are different circumstances, sometimes women leave earlier the decree. That adaptation has passed more softly, it is possible to prepare in advance for a kindergarten (together to resemble on any podgotoyovitelnye employment), it is possible to leave for incomplete day, - variants are. If thus to keep warm, confidential relations with the child if he feels, that mum loves it, but is now compelled to come to work, is will soften involuntary separation consequences. Yes, it is difficult to small children to explain, that separation time, for them there is no time, and hour without mayomy as if eternity.

Natalia, unfortunately, our time comes to an end.

The CLIENT: Yes, time already left.

The PSYCHOLOGIST: I Hope, could help you a little.

The CLIENT: Well. Thanks, Darya. This hour conversations has appeared for me useful. You to me otyokryli eyes on some things on which it is necessary to reflect. Thanks that have found for me the time.

The PSYCHOLOGIST: I am glad, that work was useful to you. Confirm, please, the consent to consultation placing in open access.

The CLIENT: I Confirm with change of my present name.

The PSYCHOLOGIST: Yes, certainly. Thanks! Forces to you and good luck in your searches.

The CLIENT: Thanks!

The PSYCHOLOGIST: Good-bye.

The CLIENT: Good-bye.

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A source: GRINEVA MARIA SERGEEVNA. SUBSTANTIAL CHARACTERISTICS of SPEECH ACTIONS of the PRACTICAL PSYCHOLOGIST In the THERAPEUTIC DISCOURSE. The dissertation on competition of a scientific degree of a Cand.Phil.Sci. Kaluga - 2018. 2018

More on topic the APPENDIX 1 Examples of psychological consultations:

  1. the APPENDIX 2 Examples of instructions of an origin of the goods, expressed in the graphic Or combined forms
  2. the regulated character, compulsion and presence of time limits as discriminating lines of consultations
  3. the analysis of efficiency of consultations as way of the resolution of disputes within the limits of the WTO.
  4. concept and functions of consultations as first stage of the resolution of disputes of the WTO
  5. § 2. Consultations as an obligatory stage of the resolution of disputes within the limits of the WTO
  6. «Psychological features of the person of sportsmen of the top skills of power single combats with various level of psychological readiness and working out of technology of its long-term forecast»
  7. The dissertation author's abstract on competition of a scientific degree of the candidate of psychological sciences. Socially-psychological features of image of armed forces rossii in youth,
  8. Clinical examples
  9. SOURCES of EXAMPLES
  10. Chapter 9. CLINICAL EXAMPLES
  11. the LIST of SOURCES of EXAMPLES
  12. THE LIST OF SOURCES OF EXAMPLES